Saturday, July 12, 2008

The Right Perspective

I realise that the process of writing my thesis was progressing pretty slowly. Often, during days, I would just try to do other things than what I'm supposed to do from games to comics, anime, chatting and so on. It is probably a sign of stress.

As I was taking a break, sitting down in my bed, I pondered, why it has been so pressurising. There may be several aspects to this. One is that I have already gotten a job offer for november. The visa for job in UK requires aUK degree. Although there are several graduation sessions in a year in Italy, there is only one (or 2) annually in UK. So I have to graduate by certain date or everything will get messy.

Another aspect is pride. I often take pride on my academics as it is one thing I can excel in. In this case, although I do not intend to pursue a phd, I wanted to get a distinction as it will look good. The coursework I have already qualifies for distinction for both universities. Now it remains only the thesis work. The problem is that my thesis work is more implementation related and so it is probably not easy to score high marks. (well, I chose implementation projects as I'm not really into research).

As I ponder I thought of reading my bible ( which I haven't done regularly these days). It brought me to the life of Saul ( the first king of Israel). He had low self esteem when he was chosen as king. But God raised him up and gave him victories. However, things soon become ugly when he tries to hold tightly to the things he has been given ( and started saying 'my battles' instead of 'God's') and even disobeyed God to keep on holding the reputation and respect he had from the people.

In the same way I realised that I have been holding onto things too tight. I was grateful when I got the scholarship. But now it seemed more like things I achieved and want to protect dearly. Thats when priorities for studies become out of place and bring unnecessary stress. It is like holding a pearl given to me as though I own it. I'm not saying that I should do halfhearted work in things. It's just that I should shift my focus from me and my pearl to God and see things that really matter. It reminds me of a song, Jesus, Lover Of My Soul:

It's all about You, Jesus,
And all this is for You,
For Your glory and Your faith,
It's not about me
As in You should do things my way,
You alone are God and I surrender;

As I pondered and came to realise that, the burden seem to be lifted from me. It is then that procrastination slowly start to look less attractive. It is really as I put myself in the right perspective, that I could be able to work effectively.

2 comments:

sheryl said...

just do your best and i'm sure you'll be fine. :)

koala said...

yeah, thanks!