Mirror for the Soul

I remember going to a retreat about around this time last year. It was a part of a Christian living program in my previous church. I attended for two reasons. First, I thought that if I wanted to serve I should follow the foundation class of that church first. Another thing that prompted me was that I felt that my spiritual life was rather dry at that time. I regularly attended church, but the desire for God was just not there.

The retreat went as usual. Solid teaching. Great food. At some point, I felt that God revealed something in my heart that blocked me from seeking Him. It was bitterness. Bitterness towards God. I was surprised. I never thought of that.

As tears flowed down my cheek, my hand wrote down what I felt, almost without thinking. I resented God that He did not seem to care about certain areas of my life. Things that I felt I prayed hard enough but did not seem to have any answer. That made me think that if God did not help me I would take my life into my own hands and I didn't need God. That also lead to subconscious thought that reading the bible and prayer was useless, so it's very difficult to do them. Of course my mind disagreed with all these but my heart somehow believed.

It's only several months later that healing took place and I found the desire for God again but that's another story. However, this revelation showed me what my heart was really like. It's amazing how subtle issues, such as bitterness, could take root in the heart and easily choke our life.

Count My Blessings

It's been a while since I have written. Many things have happened since my last post.

I've gotten used to my job as a software engineer. I am privileged to work in an area that I very much enjoy. Not to mention that I get good manager and colleagues who are very supportive.

I've moved to another church earlier this year. The church helped me to grow, gave me a sense of family and accountability and also empowered me to serve.

I've got the chance to learn from past relationship, even when it was not meant to be. This has revealed my weaknesses and the extent of God's grace for me.

I've got to know some good friends, and even when some people inevitably come and go, their traces remain in my life.

For these I give thanks to God. And for many more to come.